He no longer comes to me in my dreams - and I wish every day that he will greet me at home when I park in the driveway. I often look at pictures and the videos that I posted on YouTube and cry.
Nobody gave this cat a chance; and he was only tagged as a "bad cat". I stand up for him to this day. He was NOT a bad cat. He was so severely abused and hurt that he didn't trust anybody but me. I tried to help him trust other people. I loved him so much. I taught him what affection was.
I knew that I didn't have any other option, but to rehome him to the stables in Murietta. It was that or euthanasia. I have to stay strong with my decision that I made; and I need to try to stop regretting it.
The person that I gave him to promised me that I would get updates - and I was very straightforward with her - I asked her if anything BAD happened to him - to please tell me. I was fully aware of all of the possiblilities that may happen and I assured her that I wanted full disclosure. She looked me in the eye and promised me that no matter what; I would be informed.
Jeff asked me not to bother her with emails asking how he was doing - and to just let him go...it hurt me so much to do that - but I did as he asked. Back in April, it became too much; and I begged him through my tears to PLEASE email her and ask her for an update - and he reluctantly did.
The response was that Felix had disappeard MONTHS AGO. I felt like killing myself. I couldn't be comforted. I was livid mad, I was hurt, and I was sick. I still cannot forgive myself for not being there for him. If I had known that he was missing; I would have devoted every weekend to searching for him. Why would someone not allow Felix a chance to be found?!
There is no way I will be able to come to terms with my decision I had to make between euthanasia or rehoming him to the ranch. I have had 'friends' throw my decision in my face and crush me allover again. I have family members and other friends laugh at my attempts to save him - constantly bashing this poor cat. If I had to do it allover again - I would have taken him to a Sanctuary and paid $2,000 to have him live out his life on cat-safe property. Nothing will take away my heartache for him. I cry for him more often than anyone knows; and a large reason why I try to help others out - and foster cats and kittens; is to feel like I am trying to forgive myself for failing him.
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